If It Must Be, Let It Be Me

After receiving a diagnosis of Dilated Cardiomyopathy – for the second time in my life – I’m struggling to make sense of it all.  I’ve lived half a century on this earth and have no idea how much time is left in my visit here.  There is no need for obsession or regret, and there is no room for cries of “why me?”.  If someone in my circle of life must carry this disease/condition, I would prefer that it be me.  As martyristic as that may sound, there is a simple arrogant logic: I am best equipped to deal with it.

My children are grown adults, my husband is loving and supportive, and I have a great network of family and friends.  I have the chutzpah to push through questionable situations, and the tenacity and strength of soul to manage life in spite of the challenges.  So if it must be, let it be me.

Now to other things:

  • Working on the Last Will and Testament
  • Working on a formidable Bucket List
  • Making an extra effort to show love and understanding to everyone in my world
  • Trying to figure out how to pay bills with no income
  • Forcing myself to move through the intense, unforgiving pain of osteoarthritis
  • Managing stress, guilt, and all the other haunts in my mind
  • Trying to understand, improve, and get a solid grip on, my relationship with God
  • Finishing all the home improvement projects I’ve initiated in this old house
  • Observing and analyzing everything from the simplest pleasures to the most complex algorhythms

I’d love for you to join me on this journey.  The more, the merrier, as they say.  Be forewarned: I am candid to a fault, sappy, soupy, and even superfluous.  And I do use two spaces after each period – old habits die hard.

 

© Maria R. Conklin and Journey Of A Tired Heart, 2015-2016